Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Parenting 101

Like all mothers, i received alot of comments and advices on how i should raise my child. I believe all are well meaning but it brought alot of unnecessary stress not only on me but N as well.

When N was a year old, he refused to sit on his chair and eat his meal proper. He'd attempt to climb and fidget but worst of all didn't eat his meal. But, when i let him run free he ate very well. I had no choice but to concede because i wanted him to eat. However, many mothers said i should 'discipline' him and insist that he sits on the chair. I tried my might but couldn't. I thought i failed.

Also, N was a suckaholic. He needed to be nurse by me to sleep, day & night till about 2.5 years old. It didn't sit well with ALOT of mothers who strongly adviced me to 'train' him to sleep on his own. The method they recommended was to let him cry on his own. Although i tried, i just couldn't help feeling it was too cruel to put so much stress on a young child especially when he is trying to sleep- which, ironically, is suppose to be a peaceful thing. Again, i thought i failed.

And more relevant to me now, is the Potty training. ALL of my friends' 3 year olds are potty trained before 3. I admit, initially i was too lazy to train N and delayed it. I tried to train him about a few months ago, but i had great difficulty. He refused to take off his diaper, even if he did, he'd cling on to me and sob. I had no choice but to cease the training. I thought i failed.

If not for the other mothers, i would never have been too concern about all these. Deep in me, i knew that eventually N would sit and eat, sleep on his own and be diaper free. My guiding thought was this: Have you ever seen a grown man being chased by his mother with a spoon during his business lunch? Have you ever seen a adult needing to be nursed to sleep? Have you ever seen a man wearing a diaper? Any normal person will eventually grow out of these and i knew N would be no exception.

True enough, N woke up one day and decided to sit on his chair for his meals -  no discipline was involved. On another day, he magically slept on his own- no training, no crying. Minimal effort. As with potty training, i started this last week and miracously, i didn't get any violent objection. Instead,  he was 'accident' free after a mere 2-3 days, and the training wasn't even intensive mind you. 

This is what i've learnt. As with educating our children, if he is is not ready, he is not ready. No amount of forcing, scolding will make him ready. It always baffles me why some parents insist on training and imposing so much stress on a young child?  The best thing a mother can do, is to wait for the child to be ready. When that happens, any kind of training will be easy and with minimal effort. Yeah, some children will take a longer time (like mine) but they WILL eventually come round to it. You just have to trust your child.

6 comments:

  1. CAN I JUST SAY I HEART YOU MORE AND MORE?!!!!!

    T is a suckaholic, refuses to sit on his highchair, eats when he roams free, we co-sleep and i get all this freaking crap assvice (sorry, can i swear on your blog?) and i feel like crap sometimes, like honestly the WORST mother EVER EVER.

    I heart you. And yes, I have to trust my son more and trust my instincts.

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  2. T sounds exactly like N! Don't worry, he'll outgrow them all! :))

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  3. Hey there,

    I like your parenting style. Except for potty training where I have worked very hard on it and I managed to get my child out of diaper by 2.

    But for the rest, my child is just like yours. She never sit properly when she eats at home (but to my surprise she could sit well to eat buffet for 2 to 3 hours when we are out.) and she is a suckaholic too. She needs to be nursed by me to sleep, day & night. I hope she will outgrown of it too rather than I try very hard to wean her. (Many mummies have asked to to do so!!!)

    I like your teaching sytle and going to copy you!!!

    Thanks for sharing.

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  4. AH! looking back, i wish i had enjoyed the nursing process more instead of getting bogged down by what others say. Now, the experience is over for GOOD, for LIFE, FOREVER!! Never going to come back. So enjoy as much as you can!! :)))

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  5. Oh .... Finally I know I am not the only one. My son is a suckaholic too, can't sleep without nursing and everyone is nagging at me for it. I tried the cried it out but... I fail too.

    This for sharing.

    By the way I am gf to learn frm u on teaching.

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  6. Hello busy busy! If only I knew more of like minded moms like you! Was quite a lonely journey. Only after the kid was weaned off did I know I wasn't alone!

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