Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Help or not

Friends, family all advice me to engage a full time helper, now that i have 2 kids to take care of. Initially i was against the idea because im quite territorial and quite reluctant to share my space with a stranger- actually even my own parents!

However, babydoll is quite a demanding child. She needs attention whenever she's awake, she wants to carried when she wants to sleep, she basically wants someone by her side 24hours- well except when she is sleeping at night. So, you can imagine the time i have for sonshine boy- NONE! The good thing is the boy doesnt bear any grudge toward his sister and his mother! But nonetheless, this mama is feeling guilty.

Yet, i am hesitant to get a helper. While alot of my friends- with 2 kids, insist that it is impossible to care for 2 without help, i do have a handful of friends who has done so successfully. The rebel in me wants to prove to them that yes, it is possible to care for 2 by myself but when babydoll's demands become impossible- i just want to succumb to getting a helper. The good, i can direct part of my time and attention to N.

Right now, without a full time helper, chores & what nots can still be done. The only down side is i simply have no time for the boy. Although, we do get some time together at night where we would read books together. So, if i do hire a helper, it would only be for the boy.

Tell me, how do you manage without a helper? Or what is the good in having one? And if you're an overseas mama without help- tell me, is it a norm in your country to hire a maid? Somehow, i am under the impression that stay home mamas in US, Australia rarely have extra help..


  1. We never considered getting a helper, simply because we don't have the space. It is tough with a demanding baby, I used to strap Max in a baby carrier and just carry on doing things with Ally. When it became too hot, I just turned on the A/C in the house.
    With no.3 on the way, the subject hasn't come up. We will manage somehow. Hb helps out a lot around the house, I only cook 1 meal for the children and it is nothing fancy.
    As the kids get older, it gets a lot easier, trust me. Hb and I have realised the kids have become a lot more independent without us having a helper. They either have to wait for me to help them, or figure out a way themselves, or help each other. I have never regretted our decision though on crazy days I do wish I had an extra pair of hands.

  2. I hear you. I only have one kid and it seems like everyone is telling me I definitely need to get a live-in helper when a second kid comes along. Hope you drop by in here to get tips from other moms too!

    My "inexperienced" suggestions (after all I only have 1 kid!) is to try part-time help and/or to rely on automation. My friends who live in countries where live-in help is unheard of (or way too expensive) use dishwashers, dryers, robot vacuum cleaners etc to help them cope. Then all the time 'saved' from doing these can be spent on the kids.

    All the best!!

  3. 2monkeygem: you, obviously, are one of those success story i was talking about! I am trying copy you!

    corsage: why didn't i think of that! Dishwashers of course! And you confirmed my suspicion, live-in help IS unheard of in some countries. WELL! If they can do it, so can i! can i? :I

  4. yes, we have no help here in australia. if you're super rich, you ca afford to have a live-in nanny. but most take care of their kids themselves.

    i see a lot of them and hear that they put their babies in a baby carrier like a bjorn and do everything else - like chores, and do things with their older kids. some put their kids in childcare. some have parents or parents-in-laws to help out. some have part-time cleaner. and yes, i survive very well with a dishwasher.

    some don't do any chores until at night when the kids are asleep and that's when some husbands help out. or some just do their chores on the weekends

    with meals, they do a lot of casseroles that they leave in the slow cooker. buying out everyday is out of the question cuz it's so very expensive. a plate of chicken rice is almost $10 here. so they pre-plan their meals here and cook extras and freeze and reheat thereafter.

    boy, oh boy, i hope you find a solution..cuz if i were in your shoes, i think my hair would have dropped off by now with so many things to do.. :(

  5. and oh, when i went back to singapore, my friend has 3 maids - one for each child and her parents help out and she told me she is tired..hmmm????

  6. I just read this. And you know my answer? It IS possible not to have a live-in helper when you have kids. It will be very tough, and I think you know what I mean, but it is still possible. Nevertheless, it's a personal choice. Some people just cannot do without live-in helper, while others (like me) just cannot stand having one. All the best! :)

  7. I'm like you, I think I'll throw more temper with one more person to mind. As it is, we're all doing good without a live in maid and I'll keep it that way until.... I break down-if I ever do that is.


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